go away so I can check myself out. (got to run and put that on a t shirt now!)

my elevator at work is a dream elevator.  it is completely surrounded in mirrors,  it is here that I can fully see the back of my hair,  how ill fitting my pants are that day, the lint and dog hair on the back on my clothing, and of course the left over blueberry smoothie in my teeth.

that being said,  i will admit,  i am a girl that primps,  and you are too.  i am sure of it. (even if you are a guy)
years ago,  an old boyfriend caught me primping in the reflection of a window at night while he was telling me a boring story.....a big fight broke out.

sometimes i come across people who should look in the mirror more, but i refrain from saying anything....  aren't you proud of my restraint?!?

this could have started as a teen when i skipped english class and jumped on the city bus over to the mall.  see it was raining out and my pants were wet.  i purposely sat in the back of the bus because that is what mother told me not to ever do. while i sat in the back with the local delinquents the black felt marker graffiti that was on the bus seat imprinted itself onto my light colored pants due to the wet condition of them.

i strolled around looking cooler than ever,  all day long with trashy graffiti on the back of my tan coloured pants (pinched rolled of course with slouch socks and dessert boots...) how could no one say anything to me?  see how important it is to have a peek at your backside in the mirror?

every day when i stroll onto the elevator at work i have some time from the main floor to second floor to make sure all is good with my look for the day and i will casually pout into the mirror like i am at a photo shoot. truth be known,  some days i notice a new wrinkle on my face,  frizzy hair that i should have put more effort into, a little muffin top hanging over my waste band,  etc....this is my time. i do not care to share this time with anyone!

well today as i saw a male figure running to the elevator,  as i looked down and hoped the door would close he ran on,  now i had to share this mirrored heaven with a stranger!!

now i would have to be extra subtle with the mirror time but this is difficult,  i certainly would not be able to fully pout in the mirror now!!  this elevator is tiny as well and this guy is now in my personal space.  the awkward energy was incredible.  neither of us were in the mood for small talk and the whole journey to the second floor dragged on and on and on.  i exhaled loudly as the door opened and i could run out and join civilization again.

all i have got to say is that tomorrow that better not happen!

and keep your eye out for the "go away so I can check myself out" t shirt..wearing this will save quite a bit of awkward eye contact on your next elevator ride.

just so you know you aren't fooling anyone.

I had a pretty smart kindergarten teacher.

And because of this I have a amazing grasp on being able to count from 1 to 15.

Sundays at Safeway are busy.  I simply wanted to go in to buy a salad,  no big deal right?  Well for some reason there was a lack of staff there.  I guess it is to be expected,  sundays,  most of the employees are unable to work due to the saturday night flu.  This left me in a long long lineup in the express checkout,  which features a large sign reading 15 items or less.

Express 15 items or less,  pretty large printing,  as well a pretty standard rule in our society. I couldn't help but be distracted with the overstuffed shopping cart full of many many items right behind me, threatening to smash me in the back of the legs and cause an injury. After deciding which injury lawyer I would be using for my lawsuit against this shopping cart woman I became distracted with the blatant rule breaking that was going on right behind me!  Darling,  in no stretch of the imagination or country would you only have 15 items or less.  First of all you are the only one in this lineup with a shopping cart.  The rest of us are either holding our items or have a small basket. (Dear Safeway,  please add "no shopping carts allowed" to your Express signs)

Now look at you go!  Unloading your cart,  not 1 but 6 loaves of garlic bread? Smell you....
Oh and how nice that your milk has now fallen on my lonely salad.  Here I am staring,  waiting for some eye contact,  but you are too nervous to look in my direction,  why would that be?  Well maybe the cashier will speak up....she looks like she has been around,  maybe just released from prison. Nope.  No acknowledgement of the rule breaking,  no scolding,  nothing.

This got my wheels turning....every day we face some written and unwritten rules,  we also encounter certain suggestions if you will,  are some of these meant to be broken?

There is an unwritten rule about standing in line.  Maybe my friends have arrived early to stand in line for an important event.  If I arrive later and join my friends at the front of the line is that so wrong?  Does everyone else expect me to stand in the back of the line alone....feeling lonely?

How about the "no flyers please" rule. Personally,  I would thoroughly enjoy delivering a flyer here more than anyone else.  Think about it,  if everyone else is following this rule,  your flyer is sure to stand out more than ever!  Does this make me evil?

I believe there is a rule about men wearing hats indoors.  Some men think they can break this rule but I think this is basic manners.

Concertgoers are always told not to take photos during the event.  Pretty clear don't you think?  No one follows this rule and quite frankly if I have paid $100 to see Justin Bieber I am going to take all the photos I want to. Maybe I have also purchased a $50 t shirt. Just try to stop me!

Silence in the room at yoga.  I get a thrill out of whispering words to my friends across the room anyways and giggling as quietly as I can while others connect their minds and bodies.  Just don't YOU be trying to pull this one off around me then I will be angry and need even more yoga.

Dryclean only.  An evil laugh fills my condo on laundry day as I throw this tag and garment into the washer.  Come find me dryclean police.  Just come and find me.

Parking rules are a complex matter.  Handicapped,  Senior Citizen,  Fire-lane parking must be followed at ALL TIMES.
Special treatment parking for everyone else except me I don't agree with.  I may need to investigate this further and report back.

There is a handy sticker on the window of my car which tells me my next service is due at 35,870KM. Somehow I get a bit of a rush out of the fact that today my car is just over 40,000KM and the service has not even been scheduled.  Pushing the limit....waiting for the light to come on the dash I guess...

Think I will go to Safeway now and pick out 17 items to take through the express line. See ya!

oh sorry, cant talk.... I have to run and put that on a t shirt.

ever encounter random words that just stop you in your tracks?

picture this....

a sales professional is in an appointment with a couple discussing some business at their home.
things are moving along quite nicely.  out of the blue,  with no warning,  the husband bellows out......

"Karen,  do you know where my Mensa Pin is?"  
(Mensa being the exclusive club where the qualification for membership is a high IQ ...  visit http://www.mensa.org/about-us to join today!)

Now why when sitting at a kitchen table discussing things that are the furthest from anything to do with someone's IQ would someone feel the need to yell out for someone to grab their Mensa Proof? At that very moment?

this is definitely t-shirt worthy....  keep your eyes out for the "where is my Mensa Pin?"  t-shirt soon.

top 10 things men should do if they want to meet their dream girl online.

10

run a comb or brush through your hair before you take your "profile photo"

9

please put your shirt back on before you take your "profile photo"

8

refrain from silly online names such as to_hookup,  surferdude, mr_jerm, fishinguy, howudoin, nerdalert

7

refrain from going on extensively about your love of ultimate fighting

6

even if you are a momma's boy save that for later when the honeymoon is over

5

when emailing a potential date,  try to write more in the message than "Hey."

4

pictures of your reptile collection are not hot

3

pictures of your truck and oversized accessories are not hot

2

deciding where the first date will be should not be based on what restaurant's coupon you have

1

on the first date, no one likes someone who brags,  so stop taking people hostage with conversation that is all about you

try not to carry on for 56 minutes about your high score on playstation,

how you are running out  of room to house all of the employee of the month certificates you have won, and how no one could possibly be as interesting and amazing as you.  save that for date number 2.

I am just sayin.

the online dating scene sucks.

sorry,  but I realize that this can be a useful tool for two soul mates to meet and live happily ever after but I don't know if I have the patience to deal with this

I mean,  you spend time putting the finishing touches on your profile,  then you start chatting back and forth with the 10-15% of people that approach you. remaining 85-90% of prospects are completely un-dateable,  and I have been working on having an open mind!

the part I CANNOT STAND is if you have a meeting,  a date of sorts,  you may think it has gone well but as I say....LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

the day after you wait and see if they will call....blah blah blah....it is all so exhausting and frankly wears me out

why cant there be some sort of evaluation at the end of a first date where it is all aired out,  good and bad....then you could go home knowing if the person is in fact interested in seeing you again

oh and keep in mind that the person you have gone out with is probably dating 9-11 other women

things were so much simpler when I was focused on remaining single, perhaps that is the way things were meant to be.

venti soy latte no foam with sugar free vanilla. no sugar. sugar free vanilla.

starbucks boyfriend starbucks boyfriend,  whatever will I order today
starbucks boyfriend starbucks boyfriend, you already know what my order is as I walk through the door
even if you made me a caramel machiatto I would be so calm and cool and wouldn't correct the obvious mistake
if you put sugar filled vanilla with whole milk in my latte,  I would look you in the eye, smile, and quietly say thank you
starbucks boyfriend starbucks boyfriend,  perhaps one day we can sit down over 2 soy lattes with no foam at 140degrees
and talk about starbucks

I know you don't like me. Guess what? I don't like you too.

oh the bank.
am I the only one that finds their branch full of characters.  stand in line, on the Tuesday after a long weekend and you will see what I mean.
now,  first things first,  as I approached the door an older lady was walking to the door as well.  I opened the door for her as I believe we don't respect our elders enough,  I gave myself a mental pat on the back....she proceeds to walk in the branch,  and doesn't even say thank you???!?!?!  what is this? now she was slow slow moving before walking into the branch,  but after walking in,  she madly dashed in a "chariots of fire" manner to enter the line before me.  now if she had the decency to say thank you I would have been ok with this.  but come on....shouldn't the elderly be respecting the modern day 30 something girl?  and at least say thank you!
well I am not going to let that ruin my day.  things are going good today,  up on time,  getting things done....the line slowly moves along.  there are always the "manager" types at the bank,  probably more managers than non managers.  and these managers always just sort of stand there.  HELLO!  maybe you could help out?  lead by example,  step in and help the clients, or just standing there is essential to the branch operations?
oh look....there is the account manager I dealt with last time I set up some new accounts,  I zoom in for some eye contact...I have been banking here for several years,  she will at least nod hello won't she?  no,  she chooses to stare right at me like she has never seen me before!  imagine!  the nerve!! see here is the thing,  we think that the banks today know us,  and will do special things for us...that may have been the case in the 1940's and 1950's but today we are only an account number,  pay your bills and keep things in check and things will be just fine. have a bad month,  need a break too bad. no special treatment. don't be expecting a hello.  it doesn't happen anymore.
well now I am the next in line,  on "deck"...how exciting!  I watch as some poor guy gets treated like a criminal because he wants to cash a cheque.  the teller pretends to be quiet but we can all hear what is going on,  his dignity stripped away from him in front of everyone.
I look at the free teller and I know I am in trouble...see her and I don't see eye to eye. there was an incident a while back,  and no it wasn't the SWINE FLU sneezing on my cheque incident....that was another teller.  between you and I she has an attitude problem,  I begin breathing in and out and putting on my happy face,  she stares at me,  I stare at her,  she doesn't want to help me,  she chooses to pull some paperwork out and begin working on it.  Hello?  there are like 48 people in line...is this the time to start pretending to read some numbers?  she waits it out but no one else is calling me over...she gets up and pretends to need some rubber bands...and our stand off is in full force. several minutes go by and eventually another teller calls me over,  relief is in the air.
oh and nice timing for  attitude problem teller to be free as well and able to help the next client.

question,  next time do I confront her?  I could see it going down in this manner:
"Listen,  I know we have had our differences.....can we start fresh?"
no,  too cheezy....

OR
"How do you enjoy your job here at the bank?"

OR
"Can't we just be friends?  I have missed you!"

I don't know,  open to suggestions.    Is it just me?